For a growing number of older adults, this stage of life also carries an unexpected and deeply painful situation: estrangement from their adult children. This has become an increasingly hot topic as social media posts seem to encourage cutting off family members as a first step toward self-care rather than a last resort after much work and many conversations. These posts often ignore the far-reaching and devastating consequences of estrangement for everyone involved.

For many people, the idea of becoming a parent is woven quietly into the fabric of life. It starts young as you maybe played house or your parents told you “I can’t wait until you have kids of your own” when frustrated. Or maybe you imagined the number of children you would have. Maybe you had a name picked out that you hadn’t even shared with anyone yet. Maybe you pictured family vacations, or simply the feeling of holding your baby for the first time.

There is often an unspoken assumption that this part of life will unfold naturally; that when you’re ready, it will happen. In fact, many of us spend years preventing the timing from being “wrong.”

Then, when infertility enters the picture, the assumption shatters.