Let's Talk About Postpartum Anger


Let’s talk about anger. It’s ugly… like really ugly, and it’s also a pretty common symptom of postpartum depression and anxiety.

Typically, when we talk and think about postpartum depression, we think of a woman who is sad, who has a hard time connecting with her child, who is weepy, feels hopeless and maybe resentful. This is the picture the media paints about what postpartum depression looks like, and part of the reason why it is so misunderstood.

In reality, postpartum depression and anxiety can manifest itself as irritability, rage, frustration and anger. Which is often directed at your partner, self or even child. These intense feelings of anger can leave you feeling guilty, trapped or worthless as a mom leading to isolation, negative thinking, resentment and possibly suicidal thoughts.

Are you curious about what it looks like? Picture this, your toddler just finished lunch, and you finally got to sit down to feed the baby. And then, your toddler starts complaining that they are hungry. While this would annoy most mothers, considering you JUST fed them lunch, you start feeling angry. Your heart starts beating faster and your blood starts to boil. You can feel your blood pressure rising. Maybe you yell, maybe you aggressively stand up and try to appease your toddler, while dropping F-bombs. Or maybe you just start counting the hours until nap and then bedtime so you can finally be alone and have some quiet. You might think about running away or possibly hurting yourself. And then, when the situation starts to calm down, you feel overwhelmed with guilt. A good mother shouldn’t act this way. A good mother would know how to stay calm. I’ve probably scarred my children for life? The list of worries goes on, and the feelings of guilt grow bigger, creating more depressive and anxious thoughts. You know it’s a problem, but it’s not something that’s really talked about. Well… it should be. This is part of living with postpartum depression and anxiety and it will get better with treatment.

It’s possible that if you’re reading this, you’re looking for how to get help right now. So, I’ve compiled 3 of my favorite tips for calming down anger to get you started. 


If you, or someone you love, might be feeling this type of postpartum anger reach out and get help. You can find some resources here and if you think I might be a good fit to help you heal, please call 818-917-6596 or click here to schedule your free consultation today.



If you’re anything like me you probably started your search for a therapist online. You may have typed “how do I find a therapist in Thousand Oaks, California” or “who is best therapist for postpartum depression and anxiety in the Conejo Valley” into the search bar and been inundated with results to weed through. While this is a great place to start you may end up asking yourself, “how do I pick!?”

So, to help you choose the right therapist here is a list of the top five things you should look for when choosing the therapist that’s right for you.

1. Will they fit your concrete needs?

Before establishing an emotional connection to your search results, make sure that the therapist you’ve chosen fits your concrete needs. Do they offer office hours within your schedule and are they accepting new patients? Are they located in your desired geographic location? Do they take insurance or can you afford their fees?


2. Do they specialize in treating your needs?

While all licensed therapists and counselors (double check their credentials) are trained to treat most mental health disorders, some seek out additional training specifically to treat certain populations. For example, if you are searching for a therapist to work with your anxious child, ensure that the therapist you are looking at regularly works with this population. You should be able to find most of this information online either through their Psychology Today profile or on their individual website. You can also ask family and friends if they have heard of the clinician and get personal referrals as well.


3. Do they offer a consultation?

Finding a therapist can sometimes feel like online dating, so many therapists will offer a complimentary consultation to ensure that it’s the right fit. This is your chance to ask questions about the therapist’s qualifications to help your and your family. Come prepared with what goals you have for therapy and also questions about their approach and their office practices.


4. Does their philosophy and approach to helping align with yours?

A good therapist doesn’t solve your problems, instead they help you learn how to solve your own. Therapists have many different styles and modalities they utilize in their work. In your consultation make sure that the therapists’ philosophy and approach to helping feels congruent with your personality by asking questions about their process and approach to problem solving.


5. Do you feel comfortable?

Your relationship with your therapist is central to the work you are doing and therefore you have to like them. Your therapist should provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you to achieve your goals and work through your uncomfortable feelings. Pay attention to how you feel during the consultation, check in with yourself and make sure that you can see yourself working with the therapist.


Hopefully this list will help you find the therapist that’s right for you. If you think I could be a good fit schedule your free consultation today. 

New Year... New Site... New Services

So, I know we are already partly through January, but Happy New Year! 2018 is bringing new services and products to Lori Allen, MFT. Since you're reading this you've probably noticed that we have a new website! Hopefully this site is more user friendly and provides useful information and products to help you feel like yourself again.